Sunday, September 27, 2009
i'm now a Kings of Leon fan. WOOOO6:46 AM
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
i'mmm baccckkk!yuppity-yup. i'm back with my cheryl. LOVESSS!
i would draw a biggggg red heart if i could, but i can't. god has forbidden me to draw, its just too hideous.
soooo, yup. while i was away, i've gained perspective in my life again. APART from just frigging studies. i have my cheryl as well and thats what keeps me happy.
you know there just times where you happen to take things for granted. well, i have my reasons for breaking up. but now, i have even more reasons to get back and love her for as long as she lets me.
i'm those type of people whom likes to plan ahead. but my mistake was that i didn't take into accout cheryl's feelings. i knew i had to breakup(i frigging hate this word) with her in order for me to realize how important she was to me again. its really difficult okay! you have no idea how distance is fucking my ass inside out and upside down. its really screwing things up, and i needed to reconcile this shitty fact.
you know the saying where one never realize the importance of something till he loses it? thus i decided to breakup and lose her. you know whats ironic?
i'm the one who wanna breakup cos i realized i was being a bitch and a fucking lousy boyfriend.
its like this, if you dont do your work. normally your parents will tell you "you better fucking buckup or i'll take ur phone away for the rest of your life and banish you into the closet!"
for me, i realized i was doing bad and i voluntarily decided to breakup. hahaha. i kinda expected cheryl to tell me she wanted a breakup cos i was a dick. but nahh, i knew how much she loved me and she couldn't bare to tell me that. EVEN though i wasn't giving her what she deserved.
i know its hard for most to comprehand what i did. but its just as simple as that, seriously.
yeah, you can say its cos i was interested in another girl. well, honestly flings come and go everyday. but i realized that, i could never like another girl when i have such a beauty. hahaha. i sound fucking corny. hmmmm, cup corn?
but yeahhhh, i realized that and knew after the breakup i would love her even more than i did before.
you know what. life is life and they don't go way things are planned out to be. i forgot to take into account cheryl's feelings. well i mean i knew she would get hurt and all, but to me. its for the greater good for her. well after all i do love her and i want the best for her, even if that means i gotta stab myself in the leg first.
but now i've realized, i've accidentally stab both legs. ):
i never expected her to actually have her feelings change for me to this extent. of course i knew there would be some stuff to get over, but not till this extent ya know. it makes me feel that i'm in a failing relationship and anyday she might just go. well- thats how i'm feeling. truthfully.
its like now things have changed on her side, and its taking a serious toll on me. i never expected her love for me to fade this much. -okay i know fade isnt the right word, but i'm getting S for my GP for a reason kay. lol
maybe cos she's broken about that true love doesn't last anymore or what. but the fact is that i'm here and i still love her and will always do. sighs, its just fucking pain.
i feel as if i'm going through a breakup right now. my heart aches every now and then, and i keep thinking of her. maybe its god punishing me back. well, both legs have been stabbed. its either gonna recover or i'm just gonna die. who knows? -god knows.
and i KNOW. i sound damn corny and cheesy at times with all my lovelovelovelovelove-loving.
but its just the way i am. if i love means i love, i'm not gonna stop loving cos i sound cheesy or what. sorrrweeee.
noOOoOoo way! love is love and i love my cheryl darling.
WOOOOOO! cupcorn is niceeee!
i do hope things go back to the way they were, soon. i'm dying here.
8:21 PM
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
don't ask me why cos i'm a jerk/asshole/whatever.i KNOW.
get off my back guys... i'm single
4:56 AM
Thursday, August 13, 2009
one, two buckle your shoethree, four shut the door...
well, i don't blog much cos my life's been rather repetitive.
its goes as follows: school, eat, work, sleep, computer, school, eat, work, sleep, computer, school eat, cca, work, sleep, computer...
yeah, you get the drift... its pointless to blog about my life, hence the low post count.
hmmmm. i don't know about you guys. but i hate to go to sleep with a quarrel at hand, by this i mean the quarrel hasn't been resolved.
but for me, i prefer to resolve all my quarrels before going to bed. yes i like to go to bed without a heavy heart. and i'm not a believer in "it'll be better in the morning..." , actually i find it kinda dumb to think that way. its like why on earth would it make any difference other than the fact that sides might have cooled down or whatever. problems are problems unless you do something about it.
in my relationship with my girlfriend, i do not go to bed with quarrels at hand. i'll make an effort to resolve em before i go to bed and i'll enjoy my sleep. i'm a pig who needs like 12+ hours of sleep. so i like my sleep well done. :D
but jokes aside, i usually do make an effort to resolve em. but as of late things have changed...
but what can i expect? i should have been smart enough to know that this was coming, if my girl goes overseas and studies there. its only natural that she becomes more independent and thus less dependent on me, something i'm not in favour of.
but its inevitable that this would happen, and when we quarrel its different. i noticed it the time when we quarreled at the Esplanade. yeah i know! its like who would quarrel at such a nice place right?!?! -well, beats me. =x
what am i supposed to feel? mr/mrs experience come and give me some enlightnment. its like i don't know what to feel or what should i be feeling. am what i'm feeling right?
ohhhhh mr/mrs experience, come and let me attain enlightnmentttt. :(
its different to be living off on nothing but just pure communication, no dates, no movies, no holding hands, no nothing. -just communicating. yeah, i won't deny this sucks. but its the path i chose cos i love her and don't wanna part just yet. lol, maybe never. hahahahaha.
but its like really darn fcuked up. i don't know how to explain this, i can't put a word on this.
well, i believe its cos of how i feel(which i'm sure everyone feels) that people can't define emotions properly. dictionary provides the scientific aspect of emotions which makes no bloody sense, emotions are emotions which normally go against scientific analysis... just my 2cents
i'm just blogging to let myself remember things when i look back at life, be it good or bad who knows. after all, a blog is kinda like a diary without a pen. lawl. i don't know. who gives a damn?
big no. 2
12:33 AM
Friday, July 03, 2009
The drops of rain they fall all over. Down down downnnnn. I feel like uberish down right now.
it hurts really bad, but you just don't know cos you can't see it. being alone for 5months and having to tide through problems alone have allowed me to mask my problems. but problems are just problems, you on the other hand are the world to me. when problems arise, i either solve em, work my way round em or just don't give a damn. but when it comes to you, i can't do neither.
I cant work my way round you, love doesn't work that way. i know its corny and cheesy but its a fact, well at least to me it is. and i cant ignore a problem when it concerns you...
it takes a toll on me and i doubt you know it does. i try solving problems with you but you always ain't have anything to say to me other than 'sorry' which is kinda meaningless. i don't want a 'sorry' cos anyone can say that. i wanna know whats from you, and thats what makes you, you!
no other can replace you and i wanna hear whats from the inside. whats going on within, i wanna help you or at least understand why you're behaving in such a manner.
Its fucked up when i try my best to explain my point of view to you and you just seem oblivious to you. and i usually give it my all when i'm explaining to you cos i know sometimes you just cant see it, and you throw tantrums at me. you know... it hurts. i have feelings like you do. i'm not a robot, but a man. a man created by god similar to you.
so try to be more understanding as i am to you when i explain to you certain things cos it aint easy for me to say it neither it is for you to hear it. but it has to be done, i dont want to move on with a big blank in our relationship.
when you neglect me, what can you expect from me? c'mmon, i'm sacrificing alot for you right now kay. i only have 1month with you and i'll spend as much time as i can with you. and when you neglect me its kinda saddening. actually its realllly really saddening and i start to think. why? -why are you neglecting me now? -why not previously? -why why why
you have to understand that i do love you and even the littlest action matters to me cos you're my girlfriend whom i love with all my heart and every beat there is, is for you.
You used to fight for me with all you've got an you're usually the first one to say sorry even if you're not always wrong.
I know its cos you love me. I fight hard for you too, i will never let you slip past me and no one shall beat me to you unless you've told me to stop. i'll never stop unless you tell me to. why? Cos i love you. its just that fighting for someone i love is whats right to me and is what makes me, me. But what happens when you don't fight as hard as you usually would?
i'll leave you to figure on your own, cos i dont know the answer to that question either.
i know it seems stupid whinning over some small neglection, but the fact is that you've been gone for 5months. i've been waiting 5months and when i get this ONE month, you're gonna neglect me? of course i dont expect 100% attention non-stop, but not totally neglect me as if i was invisible. it's saddening to see this happening in the only month we get to be together after 5months. i know i'm not the best boyfriend in the world but i can assure you that i love you with all my heart. you're always on my mind no matter when kay.
loving comes with hurt, and thats something i've cast upon myself by loving you.
when you hurt me, its a million times worser than you think. if i didnt love you as much as i did, i wouldnt give 2cents bout it. but the frigging fact is i love you and its with all i've got.
i feel my english is fucked up when i'm feeling down... -.-
maybe its just that i got a damned 40% for GP? doubleyou-tee-eff man.
fourt percent is pathetic!
1:46 AM
Sunday, June 21, 2009
a new story unfolds...i knowwww... i havent't blogged in like ages. Its been really stressful in jc, well i guess its the same for everyone in jc. what's worse is the the travelling time. its really differnt from when i was in BDS. ohhhh. those times where home was just 3bus stops away. AHHHHHH. i miss those days...
anyways, my mid-years over... HA! i bet you all didnt expect that right? most JC's mid years are after the june holidays, butttt my ohh-soo-awesome school had to put it before and ruin the tradition. ohhhh, do i hear someone out there saying its better? well... its better for NOW. i have less to study during the holidaysss. but during promos we have more to be tested on. so its not necessarily better if you look in the long run.
ANDDDD. there's this mofo in my school. well a teacher who called me a pest for being noisy in GP class. well, wtf man. its like 60% people are talking and ohhh-sorry for my lound voice. i didn't know you despised testerones... and so much for you calling me a pest in front of the class.
well do take note then apart for the 60% talking. 35% were sleeping... so how about being fair you mofo?
i can't believe that in a JC teachers are still so unreasonable. people are talking as well and there are people SLEEPING. so how about you go screw yourself yeah?
hmmmm. apart from the mofo GP teacher. i must say i have great teachers, they make learning enjoyable. maybe my maths tuitor has gotta learn to stop, stopping when the class talks. (even if its just a slighttt sound he'll stop. -.- we just lose our concentration. pissing...)
buttt yeah, my maths tuitor has this expectation of me and i'm damn afriad to let him down. in some way or another. and my mom spend tons on my maths tuition so i'm gonna Ace maths all the way.
again, chemisty is pulling my balls. it sucks man. since secondary i sucked at chem with all the damned memory work, its killing me in JC too.
andddd HAPPYYY BELATED BIRTHDAY CHERYL!!!
i know i didn't post during her b-day. well, i wasnt in the blogging mood... but this is supposed to be a make up post i suppose. lawl.
since i was such a lame-o boyfriend for not doing anything special for your b-day. well there was no cake, no surprises, nothing new. HAHAHAH. sorry lahhhh =x
maybe cos i ruin the surprise about the Singapore Flyer. well, i must say the first 5mins was like wowww. then it went to, okayyyyy... so now what? -.-
and i'm afriad of heights. READ THAT CHERYL! i'm afraid. seriouslyyyy...
yeahhh, i know. CAN'T A GUY BE AFRAID OF HEIGHTS? anyways, i made something for cheryl cos i was out of ideas about what to get her for her b-day. its like i'm out of ideas i suppose. BUTTTTT, i make up for my lack of ideas with resoucefulness.
and i'm sure many of you out there knows how sucky my art is. i never did well in art and i can never draw a line straight. you should look at my secondary maths. my fractions always looked like shit. i'm sure someone can attest to that.
AHAHAHAHA. i sucked in drawing. okaoykaoykaoykaoy. enough about my suckiness. what did i do for cheryl.
i can't put a word on what i made for her. its like a display thingy. i went to art friend for resources. and yeah, its a reallyyyyy great place. i sticked the words happy b-day cheryl on some pebbles and made a displaye. and then i filled a test tube with gel and put in words inside.
the testtube thingy was hell mannn. but i must say it looked great to me.
here are the pics (THEY DON'T DO JUSTICE TO MY HARDDWORK):
3:00 AM
Sunday, April 05, 2009
studyyy break at 3am.okay, so i was at cold storage this evening buying stuff. then i saw this boy who held this pack of twisties and saying to his mom.
mommy can win a wii leh
mommy can win a sony psp leh
mommy can win a ipod leh
mommy can win *something which he couldn't pronounce*
mommy can win *tries hard to pronounce* ... whatever.
and he just walked off.
i was standing there with my arms crossed(super cool pose. HAHA) and i was like thinking of which chips to buy and i was laughing at that boy lah. i mean if you were there you would get what i mean. lawl. i ended up not buying any chips. =x
2:56 AM