i guess no one really understand how i feels.
as cliche as this sounds, its kinda true in certain aspects of life - especially this one.

i mean i honestly don't expect everyone to understand why i do what i do, but as a friend, as a lover, respect my choices.
as friends and lovers, i understand the need for everyone to assert their views onto others. but when i have so stubbornly shown i will not waver on my stand, please respect it.

i really really dislike clubbing, i would under most circumstances avoid going into a club. unless its really really i don't have a choice. but given this power of choice in today's modernized world, i'm sure i really have the luxury of morality.

clubbing to me is something i have since very very young, disliked. i've watched movies when young, and that has to some extent instill a nature in me that clubbing is by nature bad. understand the key word: nature.
its the same why people often feel the need to buy something when, if thought through hard enough, will logically and rationally see that there is actually no need. and the 'want' is somehow manifested into a 'need'. its something you can't really explain since we have been wired since young. as much as i explain to my peers on being materialistic or hedonistic, i some what understand why they do what they do, even though i don't really understand what they are doing.

its like, assuming you have a bunch of gay friends, and they are really gay. should they decided to give each other blowjobs, and you being straight, detest the idea of putting another male's dick into your mouth will reject at all cost. well, if you really really think about it, whats so wrong about that? - we only feel that it is wrong because of societal prejudice. ( i know i'm going into a slippery slop of 'then there would be nothing wrong')
but the point here being, i can't really think why going to a club is so wrong. but i somehow, and i really don't understand why i feel this way, i feel as if i just lost a part of me. what i actually believe and value, what i actually am.

i value, the human dignity, the human sanctity. when i see people getting really drunk and high, it seems that we've lost all form of law and order. human by nature aren't supposed to go high and drunk, that's not us by nature. we only invented this 'alcohol' as a form of entertainment? - god knows why...
past that, i really detest the whole notion of a club. its sleazy, its cheap, its filled with gangsters, its filled with uncouth people, its filled with uncivilized people, its filled with those people i wouldn't wanna associate myself with.
im not saying ALL are like that, but from what i see, its seems so. yes you can say i'm superficial in this aspect, but what i see will manifest into emotions. - which will hurt me a lot.
if my friends go, sure by all means.
but if my loved one goes, its a whole different story.

its really really difficult to explain why i feel this way.
its like, would a girl let her boyfriend/husband go into a brothel? i mean if he says he just wanna check it out and isn't gonna do anything with the girls there, and he has his friends to take care of him.
i mean, as much as you trust him, there's always the human instinct of seduction. in the same aspect, there's always the aspect of peer pressure into doing something stupid.

sometimes, i wonder why i put myself through so much pain watching you step through those doors.
wouldn't i be better off single? i keep asking myself that, why can't you just respect this one single thing i request. no clubs please.
i knew you in secondary school, and you seemed like one who wouldn't enter a club. that's the premise of how i viewed your character. i don't see why its so hard to RESTRAIN yourself from entering.
i'm sure if there are no friends asking you to go, you would never initiate a clubbing session with them. hence, why you value your friends more than me?
i'm not asking you to worship me, but respect me if you really do love me.

i've told you time and time again how i feel about clubbing. it seems you hear me, but you aren't listening. if you listen hard enough, you'll hear all the pain and anguish i've had trying to convince you not to go.
why must you so desperately go? after all, didn't curiosity kill the cat?
would it be so hard to not venture into the aspect of clubbing? i do not ask much of you, just this single request.

ask me why i still stay on? - its a simple reason, i still love you and will always do.