recently talked to a dear friend of mine and hence i've been reflecting and thus unable to fall asleep.

i mean after all, what are friends for if they never let you know problems that might surface. why bother keeping it all boiled up and sooner or later, end up quarreling. and as such, i treasure this dear friend to the extent i love him. (its a brotherly love)

i wonder, why do i appear so righteous to some of my peers? do i honestly think i'm that righteous.
i've really been thinking, and probably to some extent - yes i do.
yes, it must have been an oversight of mine. probably again, to some extent - it might appear arrogant.
but as i think more and more, i'm quite sure the reason is because of my Junior College education and with the insightful subject General Paper(GP). this has obviously left a lasting and strong impression on me, and probably affected my character and how i view issues.
yes, i probably used to be a carefree guy who didn't really understand things or bother to. but as i started to understand, i realized the joy of understanding. unknowingly, that such a joy is an acquired taste.

often, when i'm plagued with issues, i will voice them out to my peers and often start a dialogue or debate. this obviously happened during my junior college days. given the likes of the people in my class, this was often not a real issue as we enjoyed debating and finding a resolution to issues that we found perturbing.
and of course, i was often told by my other friends that i seem heated up or agitated while in such a debate. and to some, it seemed like i was quarreling with my friends. - which i did not.
i really enjoyed debating with my friends issues or ideologies which i found perturbing or interesting and often hoped to gain fresh insight. two minds are more powerful than one.

as i continued this, there were some who chose not to engage as they felt it was meaningless or that it would lead to a quarrel. but as time passed, they realized my intentions - which were not to quarrel or assert my stand on issues.
rather, i guess they realized the benefits that it brought to them as they understood more issues.
i'm not suggesting that i conceived the resolution, rather, it was developed together as a group.
- this was something i really enjoyed during my junior college days.
as such, this extended to other subjects besides GP. there were science, maths and humanities.
i realized the power that could be harnessed from a collective, rather than individuality.
i found it easier to discuss issues with peers, and gain other perspective on what we've learnt and it made it easier to understand what was thought.

i guess, this has to a certain extent affect my cognitive abilities and change the way i view or talk about things.
i think, with my junior college friends, this would have not been a problem since it was the premise on how they knew me.

the problem now lies in, my friends whom were not with my in my junior college.
when i'm facing an issue or dilemma i will still resume my usual routine of asking my peers.
one must understand the issue or dilemma i face when with my junior college friends or secondary school friends, haven't changed...
neither have the way i think or accept things.

i wonder about a lot of things. most which would seem pointless to many, but to me, they can keep me awake at night just to try and figure them out.
there was this incident where i was wondering how did the trolley stick to the escalator.
you know at certain supermarkets which have escalators, when you push the trolleys onto the escalator, they will stay there even when you're not holding it?
yes, i was wondering about those type of things. (i know i sound like a geek. but i have a real interest in physics.)
as such, i just asked my friends. of which some engaged in discussion. where we tried to figure out what was the reason.

the problem lies in, when one tries to assert his views on this issue to me.
see, the problem here is. i feel i understand physics and probably have a certain grasp on it. to ask me to take a view, with no convincing would be too difficult for me.
if someone told me a certain make-up brand was better, i guess i would probably believe them since i know nuts about make-up.
but i think i understand physics, and if you think about it, this is really an issue about physics.
yes you can tell me a theory, but if you assert it onto me without any convincing then i feel a little unhappy. i wouldn't accept something without convincing. otherwise wouldn't it be an insult to both parties?
if a stranger came up to me and told me, i guess i would have just said 'okay' and couldn't be bothered. but this is a friend, i feel i have to respect him/her enough to mean it when i say 'okay i understand'

as such, we argued over this. its not because the view was right/wrong. rather it was because i refused to believe a theory asserted onto me.
i mean, if you're telling someone something and they refuse to believe you because they need convincing, i understand it can sometimes be really annoying.
but sometimes, there are things which one wouldn't take so easily. there are some things in life that people value more than others. i value my knowledge and interest in physics, and as such if you try and threaten it, i'll naturally be guarded.

extrapolate this, if someone really knows about make-up and wondered about something. should i try to tell them that a certain brand is better, with no convincing, i'm sure they wouldn't believe it as well.
i'm not sure if everyone understands this, but there are certain issues where mere assertion will not do - especially in fields of interest/profession.

there is also the issue of ideologies where i sometimes discuss with my friends. which of course, might seem irritating if they have no interest. its not intentional, after all, how much can i withhold an interest or burning sensation to understand more. feeling that it wouldn't harm anyone to just share views, i asked them and naturally talked about them. probably some felt annoyed, some couldn't careless. but the intention was never to prove my intellect or anything.
it's just pure curiosity and desire to understand.

take for example, up to now i've still been wondering "is superficiality really bad?"
i mean, society frowns upon superficiality. no one would say thank you when you call them superficial. but if you really think about it, everyone is superficial and society rewards us for being superficial.

also, there are the case of words. when one uses certain words, the implication is vastly different.
i understand that sometimes there are one intends no malice. but the words appear likewise.
the word stupid is a really condescending word which i honestly refrain from using on friends. yes i know one means no malice or harm, but the words will affect someone. - well at least i feel affected.
i mean when saying things, there are nicer ways of saying them. not so assertively and insulting which i sometimes feel. i understand that no one would mean such things to friends, but it feels that way sometimes.

anyways, these are one of the few things i've been reflecting about. am i such an annoyance to my friends?
i mean i understand that sometimes it can be irritating, and after awhile i've tried withholding such queries.

but as a friend, i treasure him and obviously accept him for his flaws. no one is perfect and we can't please everybody.