When you call my heart stops beating
When you're gone it won't stop bleeding
But I can wait, I can wait forever
When you're gone it won't stop bleeding
But I can wait, I can wait forever
yes, if you frequent my blog, you'll know this song comes up whenever she's left Singapore. as painful as it is, my love for you triumphs the pain and i'll wait.
i'll be sitting here in my room, waiting for you to come back during your holidays, waiting for you to graduate and waiting for you to come back to my arms. where you know you'll always be protected. its been 3 years already and i'll always be there for you my darling.
anyways, i was just reminiscing about the past by reading the archives of this blog. mind you, its been 7 years since i started this blog. as i read my early posts, i realized they were so childish with all the colours which weren't tastefully fused. well, come to think of it, my primary school life was kinda dull coupled with the fact that i was living with my parents. yup, those were dark dark times.
as much i would like to blame my parents for raising me the way they did, i don't because i understand their plight. they didn't have much experience since my grandmother was schizophrenic and my mother's side are in Malaysia. probably they didn't have much help i guess. besides, my parents were 23 then. i think that's comparatively young in Singapore. hence the were immature, less understanding and hot tempered.
besides that, i realized i was a really really angsty child. i would always remember the times that the teachers scolded me and blogged about it. i could always feel their prejudice eyes piercing through me.
on the topic of prejudice teachers scolding me at times for unjustified reasons, lets go to my Civics Education teacher whom i felt seriously had problems as he was often delusional. i recall the class having no lesson about the textbook. it was often scolding and more scolding, again at times irrelevant. being the rebellious teen i was back then, i obviously rebelled, feeling that it wasn't right to demoralize in class for no good apparent reason. as such, i painted a bulls eye on my head and would always get picked on in class. by always i mean ALWAYS. if i recall correctly, immediately after the class greeted, my name would be called out for nothing to find something.
well, that's the past. i heard he recently had a stroke and is now back teaching. honestly there's mixed feelings, i don't know if i should feel belated or despondent. i mean he was really a jerk to me. but that aside, i know he has a family to take care of, he has kids whom he needs to feed, he has bills to pay. and to think of it, a stroke isn't a trivial matter. it can be life changing, since i don't know details first hand, i shall assume its not too serious since he's back teaching. i guess he's going to have to learn to cope with it. god bless him and hope he's since changed to become much more reasonable.
i realized that i always call teachers bitchy then. fast forward 3 years later, i now know the word to be condescending. hahahaha. what a lack of vocabulary then...
looking back, there were times where i even laugh at myself. how straightforward i was, i recalled during class test i wanted to change seat and when the teacher didn't allow it, i said "asshole". i mean come onnnnn, why would i even say that?!?! i guess it was on impulse and i really didn't mean it. actually, i liked the teacher. she was quite cheerful and nice to the class.
and that god that i was forced to write an apology letter. i really do feel guilty about it, but since i've written an apology letter. i guess the sin has been absolved? LOL. honestly, i do feel more at ease.
and i also realized, that on Saturday, June 30, 2007 @ 1:49 AM, when i was cutting my nails and it flew into my eye, i've since develop a habit of turning my head and looking away before clamping on the clipper. its left a lasting impression and its a habit. when i try to look at it my eyes will try and close and i'll give that ">.<" face...
i'm definitely sure that my blog has kept memories alive. helping me remember times i shared with friends, problems i had and of course how i've since become more mature, both cognitively and emotionally.
i'll be sitting here in my room, waiting for you to come back during your holidays, waiting for you to graduate and waiting for you to come back to my arms. where you know you'll always be protected. its been 3 years already and i'll always be there for you my darling.
anyways, i was just reminiscing about the past by reading the archives of this blog. mind you, its been 7 years since i started this blog. as i read my early posts, i realized they were so childish with all the colours which weren't tastefully fused. well, come to think of it, my primary school life was kinda dull coupled with the fact that i was living with my parents. yup, those were dark dark times.
as much i would like to blame my parents for raising me the way they did, i don't because i understand their plight. they didn't have much experience since my grandmother was schizophrenic and my mother's side are in Malaysia. probably they didn't have much help i guess. besides, my parents were 23 then. i think that's comparatively young in Singapore. hence the were immature, less understanding and hot tempered.
besides that, i realized i was a really really angsty child. i would always remember the times that the teachers scolded me and blogged about it. i could always feel their prejudice eyes piercing through me.
on the topic of prejudice teachers scolding me at times for unjustified reasons, lets go to my Civics Education teacher whom i felt seriously had problems as he was often delusional. i recall the class having no lesson about the textbook. it was often scolding and more scolding, again at times irrelevant. being the rebellious teen i was back then, i obviously rebelled, feeling that it wasn't right to demoralize in class for no good apparent reason. as such, i painted a bulls eye on my head and would always get picked on in class. by always i mean ALWAYS. if i recall correctly, immediately after the class greeted, my name would be called out for nothing to find something.
well, that's the past. i heard he recently had a stroke and is now back teaching. honestly there's mixed feelings, i don't know if i should feel belated or despondent. i mean he was really a jerk to me. but that aside, i know he has a family to take care of, he has kids whom he needs to feed, he has bills to pay. and to think of it, a stroke isn't a trivial matter. it can be life changing, since i don't know details first hand, i shall assume its not too serious since he's back teaching. i guess he's going to have to learn to cope with it. god bless him and hope he's since changed to become much more reasonable.
i realized that i always call teachers bitchy then. fast forward 3 years later, i now know the word to be condescending. hahahaha. what a lack of vocabulary then...
looking back, there were times where i even laugh at myself. how straightforward i was, i recalled during class test i wanted to change seat and when the teacher didn't allow it, i said "asshole". i mean come onnnnn, why would i even say that?!?! i guess it was on impulse and i really didn't mean it. actually, i liked the teacher. she was quite cheerful and nice to the class.
and that god that i was forced to write an apology letter. i really do feel guilty about it, but since i've written an apology letter. i guess the sin has been absolved? LOL. honestly, i do feel more at ease.
and i also realized, that on Saturday, June 30, 2007 @ 1:49 AM, when i was cutting my nails and it flew into my eye, i've since develop a habit of turning my head and looking away before clamping on the clipper. its left a lasting impression and its a habit. when i try to look at it my eyes will try and close and i'll give that ">.<" face...
i'm definitely sure that my blog has kept memories alive. helping me remember times i shared with friends, problems i had and of course how i've since become more mature, both cognitively and emotionally.
0 comments:
Post a Comment